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Curse of the Old Age Monster

Sadness, all day, in-between moments of distraction, but then reminded. Helplessness. Good day? Got stuff done. Bad day? Nothing done for Dad. I couldn’t turn the clock back for him. Couldn’t rescue him, kidnap him, or delay the Old-Age Monster from coming to get him... to take him away. He’s a child of the curse. 1.

Perhaps I should have warned him? “RUN, DAD! HIDE!!” Do I secretly want him to be upset by this change? Maybe. That would mean he doesn’t really need it.  He doesn’t have to acquiesce to the monster... and, neither do I. Or, do I try to convince him it’s a good change? “You get to live in a new place, where you will make new friends! They have lots of activities. Isn’t that great?” Do I lie? “You’ll be going back home, soon.” Do I tell him the truth? “You have lost much of your memory, and it’s getting worse. It’s time. Your caregivers are suffering and need relief. You will never again live in your lovely home and daily gaze at the gorgeous, turquoise-blue gulf.” Do I say nothing? He doesn’t need to know we are changing everything behind his back. He’ll never know the difference. Nothing’s wrong. Sure.

We had some great times, and I loved you dearly. I hate the fact that you have to leave. (Although, you have been leaving for quite a few years already.) My own fate (death, mental vacancy?) is looking me in the eye. My own timetable is taunting me... “You’re next.” Life is short, relentless, advancing, thieving, painful. We can only be grateful for the happy memories, do the best we can each new day, and try to focus on the good. 

At least one day, I’ll see the real you again on “the other side,” Dad, where the Monster’s curse is reversed, and the you who left, returns, even better. We share that hope. 2.

It’s almost as though you are leaving for “the other side” today. I long to say, “I love you, and I’ll miss you, Dad! One day, I too will pass to the other side. We’ll be together again, whole. May you have a wonderful homecoming. Give my love to Sheila and to my David. I’ll be there soon.”

 

1.  Genesis 3:19

2.  Romans 8:18-25

 

gratefulsue

11/10/15

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